It’s been a long and sometimes hard road. I wanted so much for my Mum to want to confide in me and love me as I wanted her too, but it seemed to me that it would never happened.
I began resenting her and her relationships with my children. They would talk, move or cry and what I was saying was completely irrelevant. They were the centre of her life. Mum appeared to me, to want their relationship over mine. That stuck in my throat like a sharp object. I was bitter and unable to confide or have a relationship with her.
I kept telling myself it was Ok. But deep down it was festering. I yearned for that friendship I saw other Mums have with their daughters.
My Nanna introduced me to Our Lady very early in my life. I confided in Our Lady in these hard years. I took her as my Mum. I would confide in her talk to her and cry with her over this situation and other parts of my life. I loved chatting and smiling, crying and being raw with my heavenly Mum. It was so easy.
Then one day, God intervened. A serious situation occurred with one of our children and I needed to have my parents involved completely. They needed to know the real situation, not a fabrication made up by a wayward teen. I had an internal struggle-will I call or will I not, but within 2 minutes I had make the phone call. Both my parents arrived within the hour, concerned, but were also concerned for me. Our relationship began to heal.
It wasn’t easy but I made myself vulnerable to her for the first time in a long time. It took her a lot longer.
Mum finally started sharing with me, her secrets and little things I didn’t know about her, my Dad, my Grandparents and various situations.
It has been a major breakthrough and now we chat easily and our children see this and I hope with God’s grace I keep my relationships strong with our girls.
I wondered how my relationship with my Mum started declining, but that is looking back, and I feel called to move forward. Through this healing I am able to be the person I was hiding from her.
5 comments:
You have been very honest and honesty is so under rated. An honest and humble person will attract my admiration over a person who seems always to be at the top of their game. Blessings to you and all yours, Renelle
Thank you renelle. It took a lot of courage to write this, so thank you for leaving a kind comment
What a beautiful post Leanne. I think all of us want our mothers approval.
Thanks therese for your affirmation. We all do even @ out age we need our mums approval
Very meaningful post. Thanks for sharing.
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