Wednesday, 4 May 2011

How I needed her Approval

It’s been a long and sometimes hard road. I wanted so much for my Mum to want to confide in me and love me as I wanted her too, but it seemed to me that it would never happened.

I began resenting her and her relationships with my children. They would talk, move or cry and what I was saying was completely irrelevant. They were the centre of her life. Mum appeared to me, to want their relationship over mine. That stuck in my throat like a sharp object. I was bitter and unable to confide or have a relationship with her.

I kept telling myself it was Ok. But deep down it was festering. I yearned for that friendship I saw other Mums have with their daughters.

My Nanna introduced me to Our Lady very early in my life. I confided in Our Lady in these hard years. I took her as my Mum. I would confide in her talk to her and cry with her over this situation and other parts of my life. I loved chatting and smiling, crying and being raw with my heavenly Mum.  It was so easy.

Then one day, God intervened. A serious situation occurred with one of our children and I needed to have my parents involved completely. They needed to know the real situation, not a fabrication made up by a wayward teen. I had an internal struggle-will I call or will I not, but within 2 minutes I had make the phone call. Both my parents arrived within the hour, concerned, but were also concerned for me. Our relationship began to heal.

It wasn’t easy but I made myself vulnerable to her for the first time in a long time.  It took her a lot longer.

Mum finally started sharing with me, her secrets and little things I didn’t know about her, my Dad, my Grandparents and various situations.

It has been a major breakthrough and now we chat easily and our children see this and I hope with God’s grace I keep my relationships strong with our girls.

I wondered how my relationship with my Mum started declining, but that is looking back, and I feel called to move forward.  Through this healing I am able to be the person I was hiding from her.

Me My Mum and Brid


Renelle said...

You have been very honest and honesty is so under rated. An honest and humble person will attract my admiration over a person who seems always to be at the top of their game. Blessings to you and all yours, Renelle

Leanne said...

Thank you renelle. It took a lot of courage to write this, so thank you for leaving a kind comment

Mum2eight said...

What a beautiful post Leanne. I think all of us want our mothers approval.

Leanne said...

Thanks therese for your affirmation. We all do even @ out age we need our mums approval

Michelle Downunder said...

Very meaningful post. Thanks for sharing.