Wednesday, 4 May 2011

How I needed her Approval



It’s been a long and sometimes hard road. I wanted so much for my Mum to want to confide in me and love me as I wanted her too, but it seemed to me that it would never happened.

I began resenting her and her relationships with my children. They would talk, move or cry and what I was saying was completely irrelevant. They were the centre of her life. Mum appeared to me, to want their relationship over mine. That stuck in my throat like a sharp object. I was bitter and unable to confide or have a relationship with her.

I kept telling myself it was Ok. But deep down it was festering. I yearned for that friendship I saw other Mums have with their daughters.

My Nanna introduced me to Our Lady very early in my life. I confided in Our Lady in these hard years. I took her as my Mum. I would confide in her talk to her and cry with her over this situation and other parts of my life. I loved chatting and smiling, crying and being raw with my heavenly Mum.  It was so easy.

Then one day, God intervened. A serious situation occurred with one of our children and I needed to have my parents involved completely. They needed to know the real situation, not a fabrication made up by a wayward teen. I had an internal struggle-will I call or will I not, but within 2 minutes I had make the phone call. Both my parents arrived within the hour, concerned, but were also concerned for me. Our relationship began to heal.

It wasn’t easy but I made myself vulnerable to her for the first time in a long time.  It took her a lot longer.

Mum finally started sharing with me, her secrets and little things I didn’t know about her, my Dad, my Grandparents and various situations.

It has been a major breakthrough and now we chat easily and our children see this and I hope with God’s grace I keep my relationships strong with our girls.

I wondered how my relationship with my Mum started declining, but that is looking back, and I feel called to move forward.  Through this healing I am able to be the person I was hiding from her.

I LOVE YOU MUM.
Me My Mum and Brid

5 comments:

Renelle said...

You have been very honest and honesty is so under rated. An honest and humble person will attract my admiration over a person who seems always to be at the top of their game. Blessings to you and all yours, Renelle

Leanne said...

Thank you renelle. It took a lot of courage to write this, so thank you for leaving a kind comment

Mum2eight said...

What a beautiful post Leanne. I think all of us want our mothers approval.

Leanne said...

Thanks therese for your affirmation. We all do even @ out age we need our mums approval

Michelle Downunder said...

Very meaningful post. Thanks for sharing.