A Friend from the past- a confession

It has been a wonderful Peacefilled time for us as a family, as we celebrate the Nativity of Our Lord and ponder the reflections and Homilies of our Priests. We are also able to catch up with friends from afar. I was very tentative to reconnect with a lovely friend as I would need to rehash our events of the last 2 and half years. I wasn't sure if I would have the strength or the energy to do this. Or whether I was able to through the tears.
I was hesitant and a little offputting to this dear friend. She lives several hours away, Her husband and her only gets down this way once or twice a year, so our lives don't cross regularly. Probably my fault because I have avoided the connection.
As the evening unfolded and we chatted, it all came so naturally. She knows me and I know her. WHAT WAS I THINKING. This women has been with me through my midwifery training, our children were babies together, we lived in the same street. She saw me through PND and took beautiful care of me pre pregnancy, antenatal and post natal for our dear little Brid. I was worried I would end up with PND again.
She moved to a country town 8 years ago, and I thought I was losing my best buddy. How would I cope with that? I know, I will just see them when they come down. I would push the pain away. The pain of losing her and her regular chats was too much to cope with.
Anyway, we chatted like we have never parted and I can say anything to this Women. We are truly connected, why was I fighting that. I don't know.
She was and is shocked with our sequence of events, but also very supportive and I know she will be there always.
She has also been through quite a lot of pain with one of her children, and her 'light' is another son is getting married this year. How exciting is that. I have known him since a little 9month old.
I suppose my biggest fear was that I would be judged yet again and considered guilty of all charges without a fair trial. I needed to be listened to, and understood. For the first time, someone understood and really got it. We spoke the same language, It must be a nurse thing, she just knew what to say.
God, you are so good, why did I doubt that you had given me Fran as a friend. I just almost threw it away. How Blessed am I to have such wonderful Friends near and far.
Now I have confessed and part 2 will come later. I have been teasing most of you about our trial. I suppose I need to explain........until part 2.. 

Well I never

Today I met up with a very sweet lovely friend for coffee and a chat, at her home. We met at a course I started last year, and I knew she knew of some people that I worked with many years ago... seems like a life time ago.
We got talking Birth, doctors and then......then she mentioned an amazing women who was present at 3 out of my 4 childrens births. We had lost contact, more because I was moving in different circles.
This women I speak of, mentored me as a midwife, challenged me in my forming views, encouraged me. She nutured me as a new mummy, opened my eyes to the political arenas surrounding pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and being a Mum in an intense area known as Midwifery and especially Delivery Suite.
It was an area and time of my life, that I was working, trying to raise a family with the help of my gorgeous husband, my parents and a live out Nanny. It was a stressful time, an exciting time, A fun time, being involved with, and wanting to be a mothers/ parents advocate, and raising a family all at once. I was constantly tired as a shift worker, being on call. It just makes me shivver now. But at the time, it was what I knew. I had a great paying job. I had qualifications, and I not only used them, but continued to study to improve myself. This is what I knew, so it was what I did. Most midwives had families, we had our children and went back to work. I really loved the work I was doing, both in our home, and at this amazing field of work.
So back to my mentor....I loved this womens' philosophies and was drawn to learn and gain more knowledge from her, and other independent midwifes at the time. I just loved ''being with women, with the lights dim, soothing, soft, empowering words" and the knowing, like a sixth sense, if something was not quite right.
So this was my experience of pregnancy and labour and afterwards. I was determined to pass these ideas and 'ways' on. Hand them down to my collegues, midwifery students and my friends.
As I look back I recognise that I was already a person, who didn't fit into the square. I liked to do things differently.....maybe it was why when we started homeschooling, I was happy being out of the sheep herd.. 

So we reconnected.  I remember spending many an hour chatting over views, and  at times being overwhelmed with knowledge, but also desiring to learn more. If many of you know my strong views, you now need to meet the source! My dear friend has a blog. I will direct you there. Have fun.

So how does this all fit in to my life today. Well God knows that, and I am happy for him to direct me.
I am just happy now to be able to empower women and families through what ever way I can. I have the skills, I just use them as I need. God has given me wonderful opportunities and now I can give back in return, all for his Glory. 
I will let him lead.